Life and Death

When I first read the synopsis of Linda Howard's Death Angel I thought, oh, another suspense romance. I didn't think I would like the story because who would like to read about some social climber who depends on her looks to get comforts in life? I don't.  But then, it was Linda Howard, so, I just got on reading expecting the usual romance read. The first few pages got my curiosity a bit. And then as the story progressed, I got hooked. I find the story interesting. This one, to me, is different from the other Linda Howard books. At least, from those I have read. Of course, Howard writes on a variety of topics. Aside from the darkness of the main protagonists, their characters, especially that of the woman, are given a chance to develop.
Drea's character is colorful. Born to an apathetic poor family, the young Drea turned outside to look for love. It ended with her being pregnant and abandoned feeling more alone and unloved. However, despite her being young and having no resources and no one else to turn to, she resolved to keep the child. So that when the child died, it was not the only thing she lost. Drea lost herself, too. She reinvented herself, and made a new life--one very far in distance and in substance to the one she had had. She decided not to depend on anybody, especially not for affection for her happiness. She turned to material things, and consequently, sacrificed her being. She learned one thing from that one experience with the father of her child. She was used when all the while she thought she was loved. She learned she had one very important asset she could use to her advantage--her body. love was a liability. So, she learned to use her looks to hook men who could give her material comfort. She schooled herself to be what the man expected and wanted for a woman in her status.   She took on a role so different from her person, that sometimes, she might have forgotten her true identity. But, she took her cunning with her. She always looked after herself, and saved for her future. And, for a while there, she was contented.
And then, she was loaned to another man. She did not like it. She felt like a whore. Although, had known that she used her body to secure her material comforts, at least she controlled her situation. Until that one instance. It was another turning point in Drea's life. She decided to live free to be herself. At this point, she was thinking of herself--no more pretensions, no more role playing. Although revenge was still a part of her motivation, there already was some kind of realization that she had other choices.
This choice, however, led to another loss...of life. This time, her own. Ironically, though, such loss of her own physical existence led to her gaining of her true life. She lost her old life, and gained a far better one. Literally.
During her 'death' Drea realized that her son--the one who truly gave meaning to her existence--was really alive, though in another realm. And so, one realizes that her payers bargaining her life to that of her child's was actually heard. Although in a different way.
So, came a new Andie. Gone were all Drea's glitters, the luxurious and revealing clothes, the pretentious make up, the high heels, the idle life of sex and shopping. Enter an Andie in a waitress uniform, arms muscled with the lifting of heavy trays, living a simple life in a considerably livable duplex. She had this huge amount of money that she didn't want for herself. And besides, she still was in a dilemma how to get it. But this time, instead of living solely for herself, she was living with her eyes on that place with her son. Thinking to 'score points' for her spot in 'that place', Andie would weigh her actions. Although at the back of her mind, she thought she know how to score big time. And it still scared her. She had to somehow pay for her life of material comfort through Salinas' money. She had to somehow stop Salinas. Which was not very easy considering their status. But things got even more complicated when Simon showed up--or rather, when she spotted Simon. After determining that Simon was not out to kill her, Andie was in more confusion. Should she give Simon over to the police? Ideally, that's what she should do. He was a hired killer, after all. It would score her big points. But then it gave her anxiety because whoever or whatever Simon was, she felt something for him.  Mulling over this mess, she turned her thoughts on Salinas. Ironically, now that she knew that she was free of Salinas, she realized that she had to confront the man who was wrecking other lives by the drugs he was distributing. The profit of which Andie had been living off on for two years. She was now free to be with Simon, but knew she couldn't. Firstly, she could lose points for living with a cold blooded murderer. Second, she knew Simon could hurt her. Third, she knew Simon would prevent her from getting near Salinas, which made her plans for the mobster difficult to follow through. In the end, her desire to be in that place won. She left her new found freedom and confronted her past. This resolution shows Andie's complete transformation. Her decision to do what was right even if risky, showed some moral maturity.
And then this resolution was tested once again by Simon. His presence weighed so much on her mind. She wanted so much to stop Salinas, but she was also worried what would happen to Simon if something happened to her. She accepted the fact that now, Simon was also her responsibility as much as Simon thought she was his responsibility, too. Here, instead of thinking of only herself, she had another significant person to think about. The constant presence of Simon created more conflict within herself. She knew Simon would do everything to keep her safe, and she feared what he would do. But she knew, too, that she couldn't back down. Until Simon put matters into his own hands and solved her problem. When she learned what Simon had done, she could think of nothing else but to keep him safe, and loved. This was her final decision.
Simon
Simon's development was rather parallel to that of Drea's. He was born and grown up in a rough environment, and did everything to survive. He, most probably was in a constant brawl, and made his first kill at 17. Then he began to develop his personality to suit his job. Until he was what he became. He cultivated no relationship. People, like furniture and other things were treated in the same manner--to be used and forgotten. Until he met Drea. She stirred emotions in him--one he recognized but didn't dwell on. But circumstances did not allow him to forget. He was pushed to pursue her. Drea even made him proud and respect her. Maybe he saw a kindred spirit. He recognized Drea for who she was, and in the same manner, he knew that Drea, too, saw through him the way no other woman or man had ever done. For the first time, he was in conflict whether to take on a job. His dilemma was that he wanted Drea on a superficial way--he admired and respected her smarts. But he knew that if he did not take the job, then someone else would. At first, he enjoyed matching wits with Drea. And then when he saw Drea go over the edge, he felt something more peculiar. He was nervous, and felt he didn't want Drea to die. When Drea did die, anyway, he felt a heavy emptiness. Such emptiness and loss would not leave him, and eventually drove him to seek Drea's tomb, or other information about the woman.
Finding out about Drea's miracle was a turning point in his life. He started to examine his life. Started questioning about his future. About life beyond. Then he vowed to change. From that time on, he quit his job and started to focus on watching over Drea keeping her safe. When circumstances again demanded he returned to his old job, he was no longer detached. This time, it was not an issue of money alone. This time, he had another human being-- a very important one in his life-- to think about. And that made all the difference.
In the end, it was Drea who saved him. He said he had no remorse for his past. All he had was his love for Drea, his miracle, and he had to content himself with that.
As a Christian, I would have wanted him to be repentant, but given his background, maybe he needed more time.

These two characters could be considered in some bizarre way, soul mates. Their characters have undergone transformations prompted by their circumstances.

Definitely not your ordinary romance novels characters.

Of Soul Community and Soulmates

Just what happens to us after we graduate from this life here on earth? Do we go some place: in some bright and sunny where happiness never ends--if we've been good on earth, that is; or in some freezing hot ocean of fire? Do we go back to earth to right what is wrong with the life we previously discarded? Or do we just...ppfffttt... end. Period. One moment there's life, the next, nada. Done. Gone. Whooosshh. We don't exist anymore. Period.

This is a question which no human can actually tell for sure. It is one of those mysteries which science cannot explain. No definite data is available. After all, we can not experiment on death. If one claims to know the answers, that poor person is viewed with disgust, or fear, or simply, tolerance with a shake of the head and a tsk, tsk, tsk....

Since it is a mystery, it is always interesting to know the takes of different people on this one. As interesting a subject as it is, death has been treated in different views.

Such is the subject of Linda Howard's Death Angel. 

In the story, Drea is a kept woman of a drug lord, who is smart enough to play a beautiful dumb arm candy. Until one day, she was 'loaned' by this drug lord to his hired assassin.Even in the beginning, there was already an intense attraction between the gold digger and the killer. Drea was drawn to the killer even at the same time she was scared of him. Eventually, Drea begged the man to take her with him, and was rejected. 

Humiliated, Drea turned her anger to the drug lord, and planned her revenge. She escaped from the drug lord taking with her a huge amount from the bank of the drug lord. 

Enraged, the drug lord enlisted the services of the assassin to pursue Drea giving him two million dollars for the girl's life. 

In her desperation to evade the assassin, Drea lost control of her car and died. After taking all evidence of Drea's death (to give to Salinas, his client) and her means of identification (for Drea's sake), Simon, the assassin called 911 and fled.
After an hour or so, however, Drea miraculously lived. She spent her time living a simple life as a waitress, until her assassin found her again. Apparently, Simon did not leave her alone. He was watching over her from a distance. Together, the two put the drug lord down--for Drea, to make things right, and for Simon, to protect his miracle.

Without touching much on religion or being too preachy, Howard touched on the speculations on what could be beyond this life.
All the time Drea died, she was in this indescribably beautiful peaceful, loving place where she became hypersensitive seemingly all-knowing being. There, she met several beings who were all in their 30's. Each of them total strangers to her, but, oddly enough, she recognized, from their history to their feelings and everything in between. She also was welcomed by this being whom she realized later as her son who was aborted when she was young, an incident that ripped her heart with grief for the only meaningful love in her life that she lost.
It was truly beautiful there she so wanted to stay--she yearned to stay--if only to gaze at her son whom she had carried in her womb for just weeks before it was taken away warm but dead. But she didn't belong there. She had to go. Where, it was for  the 'council' to decide. Finally, she was given a chance to go back and earn her spot  in that place.
The Christian in me concluded it was heaven Drea went to. All bright and beautiful. Everybody knows everybody through and through: no holds barred. There is calm acceptance of everything. When some of the council disagreed, for example, of Drea's staying in the place, Drea was a bit worried, but accepting. After all, she knew for herself she didn't belong there because of the way she had lived her life on earth. In the same manner, those who argued against Drea's stay, did so without malice but with equality based on some common moral judgment. There was practically no negative vibes. Finally, the one that prompted the ultimate decision to give Drea another chance to live her life again was born of compassion and moral standard.
This picture of after life is not like the ones that are usually described--as expressed by Dr. Meecham: "Was there a tunnel? With light at the end of it?" to which Drea answered: "Light. No tunnel." This might be perhaps because she was going too fast, she skipped some stages of dying.Or maybe her son snatched her 'because everything went so fast.' But then again, maybe it was because, as Drea said, she had a death experience -- a sudden one at that, and not just a near death experience.
Another peculiar picture here is that of angels and spirits and the ones who were supposed to be 'responsible' to decide who would stay or who would stay away.
I was taught that when we die, we would encounter a guard to the gates of heaven. Then our name will be sought from the big book of life. If our name were there, then we could enter the gates. Otherwise, we fall into the endless pit of fire. Here, another picture is being painted. The decision to admit or to reject a soul is given to a 'council' of souls, too. These souls, apparently have lived their purpose on earth during their lifetime. And just like living humans, they, too, argue, albeit a healthy argument and no feelings of resentment--because 'there was no room for resentment here.' Just almost a matter-of-fact kind of argument. Each of the council presents an argument as to why she should or should not stay, and finally, they get to vote on what to do with the newcomer.
The decision to keep her or send her somewhere else (like back to earth), was based on pure love. She loved her child so much she even bargained her life for his. And she was only fifteen at the time and alone. Everyone saw this and understood. And ultimately, they voted that she be given a second chance.
Later in the story, Drea realized that not only her love for her baby saved her. There was another love that must have helped her case.
In the earlier part of the story, Drea felt something intense toward Simon, the assassin. She felt fear and attraction. Simon was able to touch Drea as no man had ever done. She even begged him to take her with him. Simon, for his part, also felt something special for Drea. Although he didn't act on it because he was used to acting and living alone. But he recognized the real person in Drea. Something which no other man had ever done. And then when he saw Drea die, he felt something peculiar. Some kind of sadness and probably emptiness. He knew he was going to miss this woman. And he did, so he went back to find out where she was buried. And when he learned that she was alive, he resolved to turn his life around and play guardian angel to this girl who came back from the dead. He stopped taking demolition jobs and resolved to just take care of Drea. But when Drea's life was again in danger, he stepped in and did what he had sworn not to do anymore. In other words, Simon loved Drea so much he was willing to put himself in the line of fire for Drea's sake.
Although I do not approve of Simon's declaration that he was not remorseful of his job, (it would have been great to see him regret killing) I also understand that it had become a lifestyle to him--the only one he had known and cultivated for a long time in order for him to survive. The brighter side of it was he was beginning to doubt some of his previous beliefs when he found out about Drea's miracle, and he turned his life around.
So in the end, Drea was saved not only by her love to her son, but also by her love for Simon and Simon's love for her. In the same manner, her love for Simon and Simon's love for her saved him.
What did the Great Book say? 'The greatest of them is LOVE.'

Death Angel.